It was only a matter of time before Dark Dungeons surfaced on this feed. The ultimate Dungeons & Dragons opposition text, this 1984 religious comic by the infamous Jack Chick is a shrill, inaccurate attempt to stoke moral panic about roleplaying games. For anyone who has ever glanced at a D&D book, it is idiotic but, thanks in part to Chick’s distinctive style and the story’s sheer outrageousness, it’s also kind of…awesome?

We begin at the game table surround by teens, presided over by a (vampy) older woman named Ms. Frost in the role of Dungeon Master. Marcie gets her thief, Black Leaf (maybe one of the best names for a thief I’ve ever encountered?) killed and is exiled from the group. Meanwhile, Debbie’s cleric, Elfstar, gets to 8th level and the DM invites her to join a witch’s coven where she learns real magic. Later, Marcie, distraught over getting Black Leaf killed, commits suicide. This leads Debbie to a crisis of conscience and, from there, into the arms of an unspecified Christian church. The pastor drives off Debbie’s demons and together, they burn all her D&D books. The end!

I don’t know about you, but I wish my high school DM looked like Ms. Frost…